Hospice Department
Grief, with its many ups and
downs, lasts far longer than society in general recognizes. Be patient with yourself.
Each person’s grief is
individual. You and your family will
experience it and cope with it differently.
Crying is an acceptable and
healthy expression of grief and releases built-up tension for mothers, fathers,
brothers, and sisters. Cry freely as you
feel the need.
Physical reactions to the
death of a loved one may include a loss of appetite or overeating,
sleeplessness, and sexual difficulties.
You may find that you have very little energy and cannot
concentrate. A balanced diet, rest and
moderate exercise are especially important for the whole family at this time.
Avoid the use of drugs and
alcohol. Medication should be taken
sparingly and only under the supervision of your physician. Many substances are addictive and can lead to
a chemical dependence. In addition, they
may stop or delay the necessary grieving process.
Friends and relatives may be
uncomfortable around you. They want to
ease your pain but do not know how. Take
the initiative and help them learn how to be supportive to you. Talk about your loved one so they know this
is appropriate.
Whenever possible, put off
major decisions (changing residence, changing jobs, etc.) for at least a year.
Avoid making hasty decisions
about your loved one’s belongings. Do
not allow others to take over or to rush you.
You can do it little by little whenever you feel ready.
You may feel you have nothing
to live for and may think about a release from this intense pain. Be assured that many people feel this way but
that a sense of purpose and meaning does return. The pain does lessen.
Guilt, real or imagined, is a
normal part of grief. It surfaces in
thoughts and feelings of “if only”. In
order to resolve this guilt, learn to express and share these feelings, and
learn to forgive yourself.
Anger is another common
reaction to loss. Anger,
like guilt, needs expression and sharing in a healthy and acceptable manner.
Children are often the
forgotten grievers within a family. They
are experiencing many of the same emotions you are, so share thoughts and tears
with them. Though it is a painful time,
be sure they feel loved and included.
Holidays and the
anniversaries of your loved one’s birth and death can be a stressful time. Consider the feelings of the entire family in
planning how to spend the day. Allow time
and space for your own emotional needs.
A loved one’s death often
causes a person to challenge and examine his faith or philosophy of life. Don’t be disturbed if you are questioning old
beliefs. Talk about
it. For many, faith offers help
to accept the unacceptable.
It helps to become involved
with a group of people having similar experiences; sharing eases loneliness and
promotes the expression of your grief in an atmosphere of acceptance and
understanding.
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Filename: understndgrief.doc